Right now I am feeling jaded and cynical about everything. At 46, I have very little to show for my life and the writing is probably the one bright spot in a dark time. I have hoped and worked towards things all my life with an effort that far exceeds the results and that has given me pause. Why expend the energy when I don’t know how to expend it properly?Why believe things will change when the driver of this life is the same person?And why hope for things to just happen when they just don’t?(unless they are bad things of course.. 😛 )
I am being unfashionably negative I know but I am utterly sick of trying to be positive, of putting a spin on things. To start where you are, which is, as Pema Chodron wisely suggests, the only place you can start, you have to know where you are. I know where I am.
I am standing on the shore, as I have been for many years now. I would like to take flight but feel unable and that’s just where I am. Maybe my own words will become a wind under my wings. Who knows?
But I reserve my disbelief in wishes and luck and all that palaver for myself. To all those who have taken the time to read my blog posts (and some of those took time), to all those who have commented, to those who have been so supportive, to those who I have met both in the cyber world and in the real world, to those who write too, to those who have reached out, to those who struggle, to those who have taken me sailing, given me tea and conversation, advice, things to think about and reasons to maybe think about hoping, to all my new friends, I do wish for all of you that 2013 is the best year so far and I also wish that my wishes have the power of …of…of…a million elephants!
Thank you. You make a difference.