Normally the weather doesn’t affect me too much but it is chiming with my mood for today I am wallowing around in a sea of self-pity to match the sea of rain washing up to my door. I hate being in this place for it does no good but I am finding it hard to shake. I have been off work with an injury for the last couple of weeks and spent most of that time alone with plenty of time for useless thinking. I am poor. I am alone. I hate my job. No-one likes me. I’m old. I’m tired. What’s the point?And on and on and on..
These things may be true of course but sitting around feeding them and exercising them with repeated laps around my head I am only going to end up being savaged by this menagerie of (imaginary) monsters when they break free of the fragile hamster cage of my mind with its ridiculous wheel of a brain(which for some reason I picture as being yellow and plastic).
So in the absence of an in-house therapist I did what I do sometimes and go looking for some wisdom online. This may sound a bit sad but sometimes I find it works.
This time I actually found a few gems that have actually brought me to my senses. One even made me laugh out loud because I read it so fast that I thought the author was musing about donating her asshole. There’s nothing like thinking about being an Asshole Donor to sweep all other thoughts of disappearing up that asshole from mind. Enjoy.
“The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.”
― Mitch Albom
“He did not know how long it took, but later he looked back on this time of crying in the corner of the dark cave and thought of it as when he learned the most important rule of survival, which was that feeling sorry for yourself didn’t work. It wasn’t just that it was wrong to do, or that it was considered incorrect. It was more than that–it didn’t work.”
― Gary Paulsen Hatchet
“Self pity will destroy relationships, it’ll destroy anything that’s good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it’s so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this… All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.
I almost once wanted to publish a self-help book saying ‘How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success’….the first page would just say – ‘ Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself – And you will be happy ‘. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that’s what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like ‘Oh that’s so simple’, because it’s not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it’s bloody hard. ”
― Stephen Fry
“…as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its “problems” because they are part of its identity. If no one will listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over, and feel sorry for myself, and so have an identity as someone who is being treated unfairly by life or other people, fate or God. It gives definition to my self-image, makes me into someone, and that is all that matters to the ego.”
― Eckhart Tolle
“Today, Aaron decided, he would begin to grieve in earnest. He would walk the lonely beach, mocked by gulls, uncaring, his every step a stately rebuke to the malign forces that had blighted his fate. His was the tragedy of a man who couldn’t have his own way, and he intended to make known his anguish in the solemn solitude that only a stretch of sand, a suspiring sea, and a beetling cliff could provide.”
― Joseph Caldwell The Pig Did It
“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them…
So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling…”
― Aldous Huxley Island
“On my license, it says I’m an organ donor, but the truth is I’d consider being an organ martyr. I’m sure I’m worth a lot more dead than alive – the sum of the parts equal more than the whole. I wonder who might wind up walking around with my liver, my lungs, even my eyeballs. I wonder what poor asshole would get stuck with whatever it is in me that passes for a heart.”
― Jodi Picoult My Sister’s Keeper